A Story of Determination
How Is Your English So Good?
Yes, this is the question that I have people ask me all of the time. When they ask me where I am from, I often tend to break the “surprising” news that I was not born in the United States. This revelation often leads to people commending me on the fact that I hardly sound like a foreigner.
That being said, my journey to being seen this way has not been an easy one. Out of all of the troubles that I have had to go through in my life, I have to say that learning English has been one of the toughest challenges that I had to overcome. From learning the specifics of subject-verb agreements to learning about the proper way to use prepositions and conjunctions, my journey to learning this intricate language has not been one of ease. To be frank, it has been a journey of immense frustrations that have manifested through various forms. These have ranged from outbursts to emotional breakdowns.
However, the biggest breakdown that I have had in my journey to learning English was when I first started college. More specifically, my biggest breakdown occurred in my First Year Composition class (for those of you from UMass Boston, it is known as the English 101 class). For this class, I was expected to produce a final essay that consisted of about 5 pages, as is the usual expectation for a class of this nature.. This seems like child’s play for me now, but back then, it seemed to be a materialized version of my worst nightmare!
As I was writing my final paper, I found myself blanking in front of the hauntingly plain word document that stared back at me. I just realized that I had no idea as to what a “thesis” actually was! “Was it a question?”, “Was it an answer?”, “What does a thesis look like?”—I vividly remember desperately pondering over these questions as I attempt to finish my essay to try to get it in by only an hour after the deadline (at least, that was my hope).
In spite of all of the tears and panic attacks, I look at the final result to see that my nightmare had grown. As I was gaping tearfully at the bold ‘F’ on the screen, I realized that this was inevitable. Throughout the semester, I have rarely spoken to the professor about my difficulties in the class (or with writing in general).
I have always felt ashamed of the fact that I needed help with my writing and my English proficiency in the first place. “Isn’t language proficiency a mark of my own intelligence?”, “Does this mean I don’t deserve to be in college?”— As horrifyingly wrong as eighteen year old me was in thinking this way, I couldn’t help but fall for the trap. I was slowly falling for the delusional connection of proficiency and personal capability/worth.
It was only when I moved on to my sophomore year of college that I truly started to make progress with my language acquisition. By then, I had declared my major (which was English, by the way). After taking the risk of humiliating myself further, I have realized that learning English is never a process of isolation. It is a process that works best when you expose yourself to the language in different ways: this can be through communicating orally, reading, or even just listening!
Being an English major gave me the right exposure and the perfect collaborative environment that allowed me to fully understand and appreciate the language and the acquisition of it. Not only had this changed the outcome of future English classes grade-wise, it had also given me a platform to reflect on the grade I received in my English 101 class. I realized that the fault was not only evident in my outlook, it was also very prominent in the way I was taught to learn English.
R.M, 2nd Year English Masters Student
Learning a language has always been a collaborative process. That being said, I urge all of my fellow ESL students or English language learners from all walks of life to fully understand that they are fully allowed to ask for help. I urge language learners to also understand that they are allowed to use all of the resources that are available to them. It is all a part of the collaborative nature of learning a language.
Yes, this is the question that I have people ask me all of the time. When they ask me where I am from, I often tend to break the “surprising” news that I was not born in the United States. This revelation often leads to people commending me on the fact that I hardly sound like a foreigner.
That being said, my journey to being seen this way has not been an easy one. Out of all of the troubles that I have had to go through in my life, I have to say that learning English has been one of the toughest challenges that I had to overcome. From learning the specifics of subject-verb agreements to learning about the proper way to use prepositions and conjunctions, my journey to learning this intricate language has not been one of ease. To be frank, it has been a journey of immense frustrations that have manifested through various forms. These have ranged from outbursts to emotional breakdowns.
However, the biggest breakdown that I have had in my journey to learning English was when I first started college. More specifically, my biggest breakdown occurred in my First Year Composition class (for those of you from UMass Boston, it is known as the English 101 class). For this class, I was expected to produce a final essay that consisted of about 5 pages, as is the usual expectation for a class of this nature.. This seems like child’s play for me now, but back then, it seemed to be a materialized version of my worst nightmare!
As I was writing my final paper, I found myself blanking in front of the hauntingly plain word document that stared back at me. I just realized that I had no idea as to what a “thesis” actually was! “Was it a question?”, “Was it an answer?”, “What does a thesis look like?”—I vividly remember desperately pondering over these questions as I attempt to finish my essay to try to get it in by only an hour after the deadline (at least, that was my hope).
In spite of all of the tears and panic attacks, I look at the final result to see that my nightmare had grown. As I was gaping tearfully at the bold ‘F’ on the screen, I realized that this was inevitable. Throughout the semester, I have rarely spoken to the professor about my difficulties in the class (or with writing in general).
I have always felt ashamed of the fact that I needed help with my writing and my English proficiency in the first place. “Isn’t language proficiency a mark of my own intelligence?”, “Does this mean I don’t deserve to be in college?”— As horrifyingly wrong as eighteen year old me was in thinking this way, I couldn’t help but fall for the trap. I was slowly falling for the delusional connection of proficiency and personal capability/worth.
It was only when I moved on to my sophomore year of college that I truly started to make progress with my language acquisition. By then, I had declared my major (which was English, by the way). After taking the risk of humiliating myself further, I have realized that learning English is never a process of isolation. It is a process that works best when you expose yourself to the language in different ways: this can be through communicating orally, reading, or even just listening!
Being an English major gave me the right exposure and the perfect collaborative environment that allowed me to fully understand and appreciate the language and the acquisition of it. Not only had this changed the outcome of future English classes grade-wise, it had also given me a platform to reflect on the grade I received in my English 101 class. I realized that the fault was not only evident in my outlook, it was also very prominent in the way I was taught to learn English.
R.M, 2nd Year English Masters Student
Learning a language has always been a collaborative process. That being said, I urge all of my fellow ESL students or English language learners from all walks of life to fully understand that they are fully allowed to ask for help. I urge language learners to also understand that they are allowed to use all of the resources that are available to them. It is all a part of the collaborative nature of learning a language.
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